Day 16 – Depression!

17 02 2010

12 days left, 12 days left, 12 days left

Day 16 – Depression!

Still feeling a bit low today and still finding it really hard to keep focused. Also when I’m not adding loads of new rules and I’m struggling to remember them I feel like a bit of a fraud. I promise I’ll try harder.

I think it’s a sense that this should be harder. Surely it should be impossible to live within the rules and we should all be free to do what we want and figure it out later? I might have to face the crushing truth that you can live within the rules and get by.

I suppose that’s the nub of it really. You can get by living within the rules but you do have to make sacrifices. I definitely think I’m living at a reduced state. I’m nervous about going out or doing anything different from a regular routine. I think it’s born out of the panic of entering food and finding I’ve run out of calories or finding myself miles away from where I need to be and in a rush without being able to control how fast I can go. Maybe that’s it. It’s a feeling of losing control and having to abdicate responsibility. I quite like being in control I think.

Mindful of the fact that I was feeling a bit low, I did check out government advice on depression. A friend sent me a comment with some info a while back but I wanted to see what more there was. Yet again I found a quiz/test to complete. The government seems to use loads of these. Some of them are really good, like the Act on CO2 one but loads of them are rubbish. You don’t get any insight that you couldn’t have figured out for yourself.

This was no exception: ‘Have you found yourself feeling depressed?’ Recommendation ‘You could be depressed’ Step away from the couch Sigmund. This one actually touched on something important. I’ve been depressed before and I know what it is, I’m not now yet here was a quiz telling me that I could be depressed and to contact my GP. Is that right? Is there a risk of this being a self-fulfilling prophecy? Is it better to err on the side of caution or does this risk overloading GPs?

Given that the test suggested I contact my GP I had better do it. I don’t want to risk wasting the time of a real doctor so I’ll contact my friend Emily and see what she has to say. She is a real doctor and a GP but you know what I mean. I’ll let you know how I get on.

Stats:

Weight 13st 10lb

Body fat 18.8%

Frustration 4

Infractions 9.5 (Have to take on my two suspended infractions)

Wellbeing 6

New rules today:

  • Took NHS depression test
  • Contact my GP to discuss depression

PS: I added the exclamation mark to the title so as not to worry people too much. I’m fine, really.

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