Day 27 – Supervillain showdown

27 02 2010

Thou shalt not worship craven images...

It’s very nearly the end of the month and thus the end of this project but in a dramatic twist today threw up a special surprise. I came into contact with what seemed to be my arch nemesis!

OK, this is probably a slightly unfair build up but when you focus on rules so hard for so long you start to go a bit loopy. It all started very innocuously. A lazy morning and big breakfast, safe in the knowledge that I would be heading out for long bike ride to earn myself some extra calories. I wrote yesterday that I felt relatively safe after finishing the work week because I know that weekends are much more under my control. If I’m in danger of breaking rules I’ve got the time and capacity to withdraw and hole up.

So it was with that in mind that I went for a ride to Greenwich with Liz. No need to rush so no real frustration at red lights. I wear a helmet anyway so that was easy plus I remembered my spacker band. I was going to burn calories so no need to worry about exceeding food limits. Once we got onto the Thames path there really wasn’t much to worry about, very few roads to cross and it’s a recognised cycle path so no officious pedestrians shaking their fists.

We made it to Canary Wharf and then had to skirt off the path for some building works. Lo and behold the monstrosity in the photo above came into view. It was like some kind of taunt. Who actually commissioned that? It’s like a shrine to rules put there to mark out the gates of hell for a brave young skywalker such as myself.

As we wound our way along the river I realised that despite the ease this had the potential to be a pretty rule hefty trip. We’d not only had basic road rules but also the local rules of Islington, Hackney, The City of London, Tower Hamlets, Newham and British Waterways. I made up for not having a bell on the river path by letting my clicky hub freewheel noisily and shouting ‘ting’ every so often. I also noticed this fantastic plaque which highlighted that I must set up no erection on the footpath. Snigger.

Tee hee hee, it says 'erection'

When we got to the North side of the Greenwich foot tunnel I noticed a weird sign on the side of the road. I couldn’t understand what it meant and rode on. Into the foot tunnel and obviously no cycling. It was from here that things started to get weird. First off there was this superb sign forbidding just about everything.

Anything else?

Then I saw another weird sign I just couldn’t figure out. I wheeled the bike to the exit feeling slightly perplexed and climbed up the steps. Around by the Cutty Sark we found another one. I took photos of two of them.

Ummm, what's going on?

Hmmm K

I’ve come to feel a sort of Stockholm syndrome towards red circles with lines through them so all of this weirdness threw me a bit. A bit further out into Greenwich we saw some skate kids and it clicked. These must be some sort of underground skate stickers. Oooohhh those subversive youngsters. A clip round the ear’d do em good.

It was a genuine shock though, perhaps more indicative of what a month under the rules does for you, but strange nonetheless. I really felt like I’d met some kind of anti-matter version of myself. Some dark supervillain able to conjure up new and terrifying restrictions to which I was bound to adhere but without the slightest idea how. It was like one of those nightmares where you’re running away from a monster through treacle or something.

After the trauma of that little episode I finished off the ride and helped myself to a maximum four units of alcohol. I’ve only had one dry day this week so I’ll need to stay off the booze tomorrow. That’s annoying as I’m going to watch the gold medal hockey game from the Winter Olympics in a bar. I saw Canada win eight years ago when I was living over there and it was spectacular. Enjoying it without beer is a deeply un-Canadian thing to do but sacrifice is what it’s all about.

Still, I’ll console myself that by then I’ll have just hours to go.


Weight: 13st 9lb

Body fat 19.1%

Frustration 3

Infractions 11.5 (A new addition screwed me, carrier bags at the supermarket. Inexcusable so now up to £500 fine. I’m not rich by the way so this will genuinely hurt)

Wellbeing 8 (My run in with Captain Random Rules and a near unrestricted bike ride saw me right)

New rules today:

  • No erections on the riverside
  • No congregating in parks in Wapping
  • No skateboarding or rollerblading pretty much anywhere



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